Today was my pre diagnostic assessment with a case worker and support worker. I'd rearranged it from home to their offices, as I really couldn't see I would be able to focus on an interview with two small children round and about. This way the children were safely occupied at home with Tim, and I could give the interview the attention I deserved.
I arrived early.
I never arrive early.
Except for job interviews. And actually, I can do early for trains and so on. I suppose it's usually child oriented stuff I'm not early for.
Anyway. I was nervous. I'm sort of still nervous in an unwinding gradually kind of way. I didn't really know what I was going for, who I was meeting, what they would be like, what their expertise was, or anything, and this despite having rung up to query the whole thing with the team secretary.
I now know that they are a newish team, operating since last August. They've varied expertise, and two psychologists on board. This interview is about information gathering, and explaining the process, which can take 3 months or thereabouts from here, depending on access to the psychologists, and how many follow up sessions are needed. Sometimes people have to do the whole DISCO, other people go at it other ways.
We gathered lots of information. Memories from earliest childhood, right the way through my life. And at the end of the interview, the case worker looked at her pile of notes and said "well, you've got masses of traits. If you want to proceed to diagnosis, I'll put that through."
She then proceeded to refer to my diagnosis as a certainty. And I felt a massive sense of relief. I can begin to understand myself. My suspicions are completely validated.
I'm not a broken or incompetent normal person. I'm autistic, and actually, I've done pretty well to do all the things I've done through my life, passing as normal. I'm not going to go into great detail here as to the difficulties I've had, or explain or justify my desire for this diagnosis.
I'm just going to say I feel a lot better about myself now.
I'm Jax, and I'm autistic. How are you?